It was so interesting to continue on in our time together, only because this has been a reoccurring conversation in my life over the past few months with several woman: A lack of spiritual leadership from their husbands, paired with, in all honestly, a laissez-faire mind-set from the wife that is subtly growing into resentment. “well…if he isn’t going to go to church, I guess we just won’t go. If he isn’t going to lead a family devotional, we just won’t have one…(insert grumbles here)” What’s even more interesting is that each of these sweet women has expressed the same frustrations, hurts and disappointments that the husband is not spiritually leading their family, but seems to give little consideration about what her contribution (or really lack of) to this impasse.
I know that is a tender spot for many women; trust me, no judgment from me as I write this post, because I GET it. By design, as women, we are wired to desire spiritual leadership from our husband…and when that doesn’t happen, it can be a source of frustration, hurt and disappointment for us, just as my friends are experiencing. Again, I GET it! But while I deeply empathize in this struggle, I passionately believe we must never, never, never use our husband’s spiritual struggles to negate our responsibilities in the role the Lord has defined for us as Godly wives. If you can relate, can I share with you a word that the Lord is pressing on my heart for those of us in this tough spot:
It is time to rise to your calling as a godly wife!
Before we ever point the finger or voice disappointment in our husbands for lack of leadership, we must stop to evaluate our own hearts, our response to God’s call on our lives, and really examine if we are fulfilling our distinct function God has designed for a Christ-centered marriage. (Matthew 5:7 “…first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”)
One of my favorite verses that speaks to married woman, and the importance of our position is 1 Corinthians 7:14:
“… For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage…”
Oh, how this verse that fills my heart with purpose! As wives, we are to BRING holiness. But, let’s be honest here…that verse sounds a little overwhelming, right? I know when I first read that, all I could think of was that I was WAY under qualified! But, before you let it scare you (like it did me!) check out the definition of holy, it might give you a different perspective on really what God is asking of us:
ho·ly
1. specially recognized as or declared sacred by religious use or authority; consecrated: holy ground.
2. dedicated or devoted to the service of God, the church, or religion: a holy man.
3. saintly; godly; pious; devout: a holy life.
4. having a spiritually pure quality: a holy love.
5. entitled to worship or veneration as or as if sacred: a holy relic.
Note definition #2, “Dedicated or devoted…” Plug those words into what Peter wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:14, and it might shed a bit more understanding on that verse: “For the Christian wife brings [dedication and devotion for the Lord] to her marriage…. “
While it is the call of our husbands to be the spiritual leaders in our marriages, we cannot overlook our call from the Lord to bring dedication and devotion in our marriage.
To bring this back to the context of the struggles of yearning for our husband to be what God designed him to be, and those ever-draining Sunday morning battles of “church-or-no-church…” Here is some straight up truth, friend-to-friend: Whether or not your husband is fulfilling his God-given duty of leadership, going to church or not, in the Word or not… You must still continue to seek the Lord, be in the Word of God, and keep going to church…even if that means going alone for a while. Continue to strive to live a life worthy of your calling, sweet friend, walking out your faith, and more than anything, trusting and honoring the Lord with your actions.
“…even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.” 1 Peter 3:1-2
Verses 1-2 are refreshing, but also so convicting for those of us who are in the middle of situations like this. Convicting and refreshing for the exact same reason: All God is asking us to do is obey Him, trust His Word…and He will take care of working in our spouse’s hearts. We don’t need to preach at our husband, try to guilt him, manipulate him, stress about pointing out every scripture we think will convict him…and frankly, we shouldn’t ever dare try to play the role of the Holy Spirit to our spouse. Instead, we must rise up, set our lives in response to God's ordained rhythm for our marriage, fulfilling the function God has designed for us. To put it simply: We need to focus on living our lives in such a way that honors the Lord, and let God use our behavior to impress into our husband’s spirit; trust the Lord that He is going to work in this situation.
And to just give you a little more encouragement and comfort for your heart if you are hurting: as much as we desire for our husband to lead our family spiritually--God desires it even more, because it is aligned with His will and perfect design!
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” 1 John 5:14
Rise up, dear sister, and while doing so, keep taking your cries to the Lord, knowing He hears those prayers, has great compassion equipping you for this journey:
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity [lacking in boldness or determination], but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7
So be still and know, sweet friend, the encouraging words of Psalm 37:4 “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.”
