Lovely

More than I would care to admit, I battle with a poor self-image. It is so easy for me to get caught up in a cycle of comparison of friends, unrealistic media images, and hurtful words that have been spoken into my life that never seem to fade away. I really doubt that I am alone in these feelings... And if you have ever mentioned it to anyone, I am also sure I am also not the only one who has heard this phrase,

“You should not feel ugly because God made you, and He doesn’t make mistakes, right?”

While that does make sense to me, but doesn’t change this hurting place in me that feels that I am, somehow, unacceptable. And if God doesn't make mistakes, and the opposite of a mistake is perfection, why do I feel very far from perfect? Since the new year, I have become serious in prayer, surrendering this area of my life seeking God's touch. I need a break in this lopsided perspective…because I don’t want to wrestle with insecurity, and more so, I know this is a strong hold that does nothing but inhibit what God desires from me. I deeply want to be a woman that is determined to constantly reflect Jesus versus being worried and intimidated about what people think of me. My heart cries to the Lord: "Less of me, more of YOU."

Because God is my Healer of all brokenness, never turning a deaf ear to my sorrows, fulfilling the promise written of Psalm 37:4, He shined a light on this dark area in my heart though His Holy Words:

"I am dark, yet I am lovely..." Song of Solomon 1:5

Even typing this verse I feel the Holy Spirit profoundly moving, ministering and healing my heart. Without mincing words, here is the reality and truth for me: I do have flaws. Not because God made mistakes in creating me, but because man made a mistake that resulted in the introduction of sin. Total depravity infected what God created perfect...I'm not just talking about creation, but I am talking about me. Because I am human and born into a broken world, sin has made me dark in physical ways and spiritually. Let me try to explain:

Because of sin, I have wounds that have formed ugly scars on my body and on my heart that make me dark.
Because of my sin, instead of always striving to be more like Jesus, I get caught up in comparing myself to others...casting in a shadow of darkness on my countenance but also in my spirit.
Because of sin, I have struggled with eating issues that altered God's perfect design for my physical body (being almost 100-pounds overweight), but also affected my spiritual life (because upon close examination, I realized I had elevated my desire for food over my desire for Christ. Yikes.)
I could go on and on…

So, yes--when I look in the mirror I do see flaws, imperfections, mistakes.

But here is an even bigger reality and a bigger Truth that God spoke into my spirit recently:

When God looks at me though the lens of Jesus Christ dying for all of those sins I typed above….my sins…He does not see my darkness. He sees me as lovely.

So reread Song of Solomon one more time:

"I am dark, YET I am lovely..." Song of Solomon 1:5

Because of Jesus: I. Am. Lovely.

Lovely because Christ loves me.
Lovely because when I smile, I have the joy of the Lord.
Lovely because what Satan intended to darken my face with shame, God uses to make my countenance shine.
Lovely because when you look in my eyes, prayerfully you see the Hope and Peace that comes from God, Himself.
Lovely because He is in my heart as I am His…
Lovely because of Jesus.

Be Still and Know that because of Jesus, you can see yourself the same way God sees you, sweet friend: lovely.